Be Something to Someone

Rather say " I wish" I have to say " I will"

 Insyallah.. Do not ever leave Allah..

He will fulfill all my desire.. and my pray..

How I was Stabbed From the back...

Assalamualaikum...
 hi...

 my ex- Boy suddenly text me 2 days ago..
I feel so happy when he text me..

I don`t want our friendship terputus macam tu je..
so, I pun reply his SMS..

I pon terkenang la peristiwa lama I dengan dia..
agak  "angau " jugak bila  dia refresh balik memori2 manis kami...
I was like Flying without wings for about 3 days.. (including today before i know the true story)

 When Allah said, kun fayakun ( it happen), whatever we never expect to happen, will happened.
 Subhanallah... Almighty Allah.

 Nak dijadikan cerita, I  pun called my ex-roommate today to know her condition.
so, i `m asking her about her life .

Disebabkan dia bakal KONVO pada bulan september ni,
  And dia cakap nak bawak her whole family pergi Penang (nak kurangkan beban dia)
so, I pun tawarkan la  kat dia tok  stay kat tempat kakak I..
 she said Ok..

I ni memang jenis yang cepat mesra n rapat  ngan orang lain,  ini kan pulak dengan  my room mate..
  So,we always share our sad and happy story  together..
so, I pun cerita la kat dia pasal  my Ex-boy  mesej I tu..

Antara isi  perbualan I ngan dia..

me: Akak, R**ade mesej saya, dia cakap rindu2 segala..(nada happy)
 Kak  L**: oh, akak ade benda nak cakap ngan kamu ni.

me: ape dia kak? bagitau je la..
Kak L***: kamu jangan marah ye kalau akak bagitahu, boleh?

me: ish2, bagitau je la..
Kak L***: actually, akak n R** selalu mesej..
 me: (terkejut) oh, ye ke? sejak bila?

Kak L***:kamu  ok ke? sejak kamu couple ngan dia.. sorry, akak rasa bersalah sangat. Kamu sayang dia lagi ke?
me:  takpe lah kak, benda dah jadi pon.sape saya nak halang akak daripada berkawan dengan dia..

Kak L***:sori ye, akak kawan biasa2 je dengan dia....

suddenly, my nephew crying.. (macam tau2 je mak cik dia nak nanges)

me: akak,  iman dah nangis.. saya letak phone dulu ye..( hati sebak nak nanges+ rasa  terkejut)
kak L***:  ok, nati kita jumpa kat universiti ye..bye...

I tak tau apa perasaan I after that, and I called Oppa..
Oppa said that " u dont need them anymore"

UNTIL NOW..
I still terkejut coz i never expect that my lovely room mate will betray me like that...
I love her  so much but...
SHE STABBED ME FROM THE BACK..

Selamat Tinggal

FRIENDS FOREVER

Though it's only been a short while I've never had a friend like you 

But soon you will be leaving me 

And I don't know what to do 

Your love and understanding 

Have brought me a new hope 

I wish that I could keep you here 

Tied to me with a rope 

Why do you choose to leave me? 

I ask with confusion and pain 

Don't let me go back to feeling alone 

When will I see you again? 

The miles soon stretched between us 

What will happen to this bond? 

Will we reunite to find 

That this special tie is gone? 

So many questions I have 

My heart filled with fear 

Dreading you will leave me 

And never shed a tear 

Unlike this desperate aching 

In my heart that won't let go 

Which leads me now to tell you 

Something you must know 

The friendship you have given me 

The joy you bring my soul 

Has filled me with such strength 

And love once unforetold 

How can it be so short? 

This time we've spent together 

I thought you would remain here 

And love me 'till forever 

Sadly, wishful thinking 

As I now have come to see 

But remember please this thought 

When you think of me 

We may soon be separated 

But I'll remember, just the same 

Forever in my heart 

Is where you will remain 

I wish that when you leave 

We'd remain the best of friends 

You'll be in my thoughts 

'Till I see you again 

How can I say goodbye? 

No words, but just tears fall 

From my eyes and sobbing heart 

That knows you after all 

The hours spent together 

Will soon dwindle down to few 

Forcing me to let go 

And start this year anew 

Without you here to talk to 

Searching for a friendly face 

That knows all too well 

They can never be replaced

This poem is especially for IMI..
he will leave me today..
 I will write about him in the next entry..




p/s: feel so sad rite now.. Good bye OPPA...
      i will never forget our memories

Silent.

I will keep my mouth shut up for a while..

I will  avoid my finger from text him 

I will keep my eyes from looking at  his picture

I will keep silent my phone,

i will put offline to   my chatbox

I will keep invisible for a while...

UNTIL

he realize that he had hurt me so much

he realize that he need me so much

 

AND

until he REALIZE that  its painful if you are waiting someone..

p/s: please be honest to others.. if u love someone, tell them

 before u lost them...

Single terbaru heliza..

 Cuma aku

Aku suka kamu, aku cinta kamu

Aku sayang kamu tapi kamu tak suka aku

Aku kenang kamu, aku bayangkan dirimu

Aku rindu kamu tapi kamu tak rindu aku

Mana ada cinta, jika tiada rindu

Mana ada kasih, jika tiada sayang

Apa kata kamu, mahu undur atau maju

Mungkin cuma aku tapi kamu belum tahu

Untuk apa cinta jika tidak sudi

Untuk apa kasih jika tak memberi

Aku suka kamu, aku cinta kamu

Aku sayang kamu tapi kamu tak suka aku

Mana ada cinta, jika tiada rindu

Mana ada kasih, jika tiada sayang

Untuk apa cinta, jika tidak sudi

Untuk apa kasih, jika tak memberi

Mana ada cinta, jika tiada rindu

Mana ada kasih jika tiada sayang

Untuk apa cinta, jika tidak sudi

Untuk apa kasih, jika tak memberi

Mana ada cinta, jika tiada rindu

Mana ada kasih, jika tiada sayang

http://youtu.be/eRXM5Whozuo

Numb and Empty..

Assalamualaikum..
hari ni I rasa macam I xde kawan..
semua kawan busy dengan aktiviti masing-masing?
terfikir jugak dalam fikiran I..
kenapa tak ade sape pon nak mesej I, nak say Hi, nk ajak I makan
 Suddenly today, (i mean  yesterday since it`s already 1.40am) I think my life were empty.
There`s no one ask me about my condition and how I feel today.
its ok  friends, I will thinking in a positive way..

          I were imagined they are saying these things to me


let me tell  u about my day
hari I bermula dengan sangat teruk..
bangun  tido sangat lambat ...(ish3.. anak dara ape la ni)
can u imagine? after solat subuh, I tido and terjaga at 12.30 pm.
and then I feel so numb and empty n kinda dumb(maybe sebab bangun lambat sangat)


My plan is not working.. I did not read any book today..
i`m suppose to be bookworm today..
 but  akhirnya I just facebooking, watching movies (my girlfriend is a gumiho) 
and the most important things, I forget about my mission..
my mission is to get all B for all papers in  this exam..
(hopefully my PNG will increased)
cane nk dapat kalau x study???!!


ok. petang tadi I buat satu perkara yang sangat n agak memalukan
 kepada my friend, of course la lelaki...
nama dye ade pada entri sebelum ni...
I calling him but
I think i`m trying to seduce him with that call...
i think so
WHY I say that i`m trying to seduce him because
 I ade tnya killer question kat dye


D.i:  adakah awak akan tinggalkan saya (in mean in a relationship term)
I*i: wah.. killer question tu.. humm.. 


luckily he didn`t answer that question.. (fuhhh, relieved)
and the reason why i`m calling him because
I think I WANNA TALK TO SOMEONE...
and i  choose him..
its kinda ridiculous..right?


i think i`m just wasting my time today..
 its ok..
 I will start being a bookworm tomorrow..

kepada kawan-kawan yang sedang  busy dengan exam..
 gud luck di ucapkan..
n dun forget.. i`ll always by your side  to support u..

p/s: 1)i`m not trying to flirt with him.. just bored

2)sila istiqamah dalam ketika study......

3) tolonglah kawal perasaan anda sendiri..

4) jangan lupa anda ada misi yang sendiri..

5) the most important: ni bukan masa bercinta!!!

 tolonglah faham D.Illyana

*sorry because there are a lot of grammar errors*

Subhanallah..

Assalamualaikum..

 petang ni tbe2 I nangis..

 terasa diri terlalu hina disisi-Nya..

terasa terlalu alpa..

bait-bait lirik lagu  MESTICA mase I study

menyebabkan I menangis..

 Alhamdulillah..

 Allah masih lagi sayang I

masih lagi memberikan I peluang untuk berubah

  

 DESTINASI CINTA

Menyingkap tirai hati

Mengintai keampunan

Di halaman subur rahmat-Mu, Tuhan

Tiap jejak nan bertapak

Debu kejahilan

Akan ku jirus dengan madu keimanan

Tak ternilai airmata dengan permata

Yang bisa memadamkan api neraka

Andai benar mengalir dari nasuha nurani

Tak kan berpaling pada palsu duniawi

Destinasi cinta yang ku cari

Sebenarnya terlalu hampir

Hanya kabur kerana dosa di dalam hati

Telah ku redah daerah cinta

Yang lahir dari wadah yang alpa

Tiada tenang ku temui

Hanya kecewa menyelubungi

Ku gelintar segenap maya

Dambakan sebutir hakikat

Untuk ku semai menjadi sepohon makrifat

Moga dapat ku berteduh di rendang kasih-Mu

Namun ranjaunya tidak akan sunyi

Selagi denyut nadi belum berhenti

Durjana syaitan kan cuba menodai

Segumpal darah bernama hati

(Destinasi cinta Ilahi)

Lestarikan wadi kalbuku, oh Tuhanku

Leraikan aku dari pautan nafsu

Biarpun sukar bagiku melamar redha-Mu

Namun masihku mengharap ampunan-Mu

Wahai Tuhanku... Ya Allah...

Sorry seems TO be the HARDEST WORD

Assalamaualaikum

this entry especially for my sayang

 

sorry because I had hurt you

Sorry because I cannot be there for u

sorry because I always make your life 

 BECOME MORE DIFFICULT

I just want you to know that i really2 LOVE you

 I will always HOLD YOUR HAND

if u are willing to hold my hand back

specially dedicated to my sayang..

 everything will ok..

 dun worry

Angan2 saja

Assalamualaikum... 

I sedih malam ni..

 sedih sangat.. xtau nk share ngan sape

NAPE SEDIH?

I  tak terpilih tok pegi Thailand..

My  friend yg dapat g, dah dihubungi

through SMS and Email

I dok tunggu2.. mana la tau

 my phone were silent ke?

my E-mail is not update ke?

BUT...

everything is ok.

my phone is not silent.

 and my E-mail pon dah update

(tekan  refresh banyak2 kali)

 Lastly, I redha je...

 x boleh nk watpe dah...

 xpe, I hanya boleh hadapi segalanya

 dengan penuh rasa REDHA 

hanya satu pintaku pada Yang Esa:

 Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hamba-MU ini.

i`m trying to share my feeling with kak Parah..

 but she seems so busy rite now

n Imi also kinda busy with his exam....

it`s ok la..

 my heart will heal soon..

 dun worry, u can do it darling..

enough with that feeling.. I must start study

i had divide n make a table to start do 

my revision...

Chinese Language n 19th n 20th century Poetry

killer subject for this sem

p/s: my abg ipar sudah warning semalam..soh blaja btol2.

hehe.. akhirnya.. dye care jugak abt me.. 

 i need to sleep rite nw. I mahu carik ketenangan jiwa pagi besok.

Insyallah

Jia You!!!

Assalamualaikum...

hi.. fellas..

 hari ni ade follower baru yg follow my blog. 

Dikesempatan yg ade sy mau mengucapkan 

THANK YOU, XIE XIE NI.

kepada follower sy yg baru 

xtau la dye ni mr. o ms ..konfius gak la

tapi nama dia SYAH..

n yg penting dye ni UPM.. waaaaaaaaaaaa

x sangke jumpe budak UPM..

exam is around the corner..

fuhhh

 bnyk lagik x baca.. banyak lagik x hafal..

my first paper is 20/4... its on WED 

little bit stress la.

but i just deny that feeling as usual

so... I pon dengan rasa yang bangga 

meneruskan tradisi terdahulu iaitu:

melihat2 n mengusha2 carry mark

so, after lunch wid my roommate..

I pon menaiki bas kuning menuju ke SOLLAT.

tok  tgk carry mark

paper minor n paper English..

dgn hati yg yakin.. I pon ketuk pintu Teacher

English 2.. 

sebab nk pulang novel yg I pinjam dari dia 

n nk tny carry mark

 Luckily, She`s in her room..

 wow... I dapat B+....

hehehe.. 

quite good la for average student like me

after that, I jalan menuju ke bilik Laoshi

 FYI, i amek minor Chinese language..

 just teringin nk amek

without any basic

mmg kerja GILA kn..

 then..

 my carry mark is C+

wow!!!

unexpected result..

  sedih gak la dat time..

C+..

what should i DO???

actually panik jugak..

cane nk naikkan pointer lau dapat C+?

TAPI

Allah dah berfirman dalam Surah Al-BAqarah . ayat 216

 then... I tros bersemangat tok study..

 Yess.. setiap perkara  ada hikmah disebaliknya..

ok... I baru dapat tau IMI ada bidadari dalam hati dia..

 he `s trying to deny that thing

 BUT..

 I feel happy for him

 xpe2.. sampai bila dye nk deny..

 TUNGGU LA...

p/s: 1) hari ni sakit perot.. food poisoning..sabar ye perot

2) kak parah dah bertambah ok... hehehe,, alhamdulillah

3)mak, kakak n abg ipar pesan, jgn gagal lagi...Insyallah...

4) tadi sy berjalan2 di blog orang, wow hebat le mereka..

blog sy plak.. so simple.. ish3..

my story..

assalamualaikum... hi.. 

ape cter hari ni?

(sila baca dengan nada mak cik2 nak bergosip)

hehehehe..

apakah???!!!!

rasanya agak lama x mempamerkan kisah hidup I pada dunia..

akibat  kesibukan yang melampau + tuntutan keluarga

akhirnya, dapat jugak I update blog nihh

macam2 dah jadik.. pahit , manis, masam.. semua ada

janji cukup rasa.. hahahahahha

kehidupan yang sibuk menyebabkan I kurang kawan..

hummm.. tapi setelah 2 tahun mencari...

 akhirnya... I dah jumpe my best friend

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

 siapakah manusia yg malang itu??

konfem la dye orang yg sama perangai ngan I.

hehe.. nama manusia yg malang itu adalah cik parahdina/kak parah

hehehe.. dye mmg bernasib malang coz

boleh stay ngan org yg cam I ni.

sem ni jugak.. I  jumpa balik nagn kawan laki I

 nama dia IMI...

budak baik.. sangat innocent..

 waaaaaaaaaa.. best dapat kawan dgn dye

 dye sangat suke bagi kuliah free kat I.

xperlu susah2 p USRAH..

2 hari lepas.. I was so busy wid my interview

luckily, my junior(nadia, am n warda help me)

tq adik2... sampai kul 3 gak la lepak kat  Khalel

then pagi 2 pulak... my soul mate/kak parah anto file dye

 luckily dye anta fail.. wawawa.. sangat2 terharu

x tau cane nk pisah ngan dye.. 

I kan nk extend 1 year.. so, terpaksa la berpisah

then pada hari yg sama..

 my penggawa, encik N***u, make me happy

he said that he want to take a yellow bus with me

  en N* : bus ape ye tok balik hostel?

me: yellow bus. awat en.N***u?

eh.. bus da sampai 2.

en.N: mari la nek bus. saya nk sembang2 ngan kamu

me: (apakah? wow.. dia nk nek bas ngan I) ok. marilah

en.N: wah.. kamu ni aktif sungguh kan.. sukarelawan muka kamu, 

program N*** pon kamu ade gak.

me: hehehe..(perlu bangga ke?) tgk la sape sifu saya..

en.N: kamu tgk plak sape sifu kepada sifu kamu.

me: hehehehe.. mestilah en.N...

en.N: tau xpa... hehe... sian kat kakak kamu

me: (ingatkan xtau kakak bosan kat umah) hehehe.. biasa la 2 en.N

lastly, en.N turun depan rumah dye.. fuhhh.. I pon balik hostel ngan senyum lebar 

p/s: kipas rosak.. thanks to uncle siva, uncle das, abg delivery n kak sal kerana stand fan yg diberi.

bakal masuk hutan pada 8-12/5 n 19-22/5/. hopefully dapat p Thailand!!!

mau panjat gunung nih... gian sudah..

semakin boleh melupakan mamat itu.. 

sakit

seriously..
this time hati I terlalu sakit...
macam ditoreh2..

ketawa n senyuman hanyalah topeng semata..

unable to stay.. unwilling to leave

sakit..

 sangat sakit...

tq 4 ur rudeness beb..

 wawawawa.. sangat sedih bila orang yg berjanji

tak tepati

what shud I do?

 my sis told me to "pagar" my heart

but.. cane nk pagar..

 I dah bagi hati I kat dye

 I terluka lagi..

 sangat...

Ya Allah, berikan aq kekuatan 

berikan aq ketabahan

walau senyuman xpenah lekang daripada bibir

 hati juga x penah sembuh dari luka

kecewa...\

sangat pedih hati..

  what shud I do?

 what shud I do?

nape sebab lelaki hidup aq selalu menderita

 why lelaki?

nape selalu seksa I?

 since I was born until now...

 WHY????

penah gak terpk nk jadik lesbian..

 sebab...

 semua laki hampeh...

 x jumpa lagi sang kekasih hati

yang boleh motivate me

 yg boleh comfort me..

yg boleh LOve me without TOUCH me

maybe it`s looks like a fairy tale

but....

ble bahagia menjengah..

sengsara menunggu

kadang2 smpai x tertanggung

kadang2 sampai kepala sebal

kadang2 rasa cam sensorang dalam dunia

sapelah yang boleh motivate I?

 sape yg akan muncul dalam idup I?

who will be my husband..

da x sanggup nk menangis..